Your Autism Holiday Boundary Plan
- {sb}
- Sep 15
- 3 min read
Choosing Peace on Purpose
For many families, especially those raising children with high support needs, the holidays can bring more stress than joy. What should feel warm and celebratory often turns into weeks {if not months} of explaining, defending, and negotiating your family’s choices.
If you’ve ever felt emotionally wrung out by the time December ends, you’re not alone.
For families who don’t do holidays the “typical” way — this guide is your permission slip to say no, protect your energy, and choose calm over chaos.
This year, I’m sharing my Holiday Boundary Plan. A practical, heartfelt way to protect your peace while still honoring your values. Whether your challenge is judgmental relatives, unrealistic expectations, or simply the sensory overload of the season, this plan will help you hold your ground with love and clarity.
1) Your Clear, Reusable Message
Start with a simple, direct statement you can send or say every year:
“Thank you for thinking of us. We’ll be spending the holidays quietly at home again this year. {Child's Name} does best with calm and routine, and this is what works for our family. We wish you a peaceful holiday season.”
This message acknowledges their invitation, sets your boundary kindly but firmly, and closes the door on further negotiation. Save it as a note in your phone for copy/paste convenience when the first text or invite rolls in.
2) Your Internal Grounding Reminder
Boundaries aren’t just about what you say to others, they’re also about what you say to yourself.
Repeat this mantra before and after you send your message:
“I am not required to keep reopening this wound every year. My boundaries are an act of love — for my child, for my spouse, and for myself.”
This reminder keeps you steady and stops you from spiraling into guilt, worry, or overthinking how others will react.
3) A Ritual to Release the Weight
Each year, before the season starts, release the emotional weight you’ve been carrying:
Write down:
“I am not responsible for making holidays feel normal for anyone else. My job is to make them safe and peaceful for us.”
Read it aloud. Then tear it up, burn it, or bury it.
Breathe deeply and imagine yourself stepping into the season lighter, freer, and grounded in your truth.
4) Loving Reframe {optional}
If you want to soften your message or offer more context:
“We know this might feel different from how we celebrated in the past, but for us this is what makes the holidays peaceful. We hope you can respect that.”
This reminds everyone that you are not rejecting them — you are protecting your family’s wellbeing.
The Courage to Do Holidays Differently
The holidays don’t have to be a source of dread. By setting clear boundaries, reminding yourself why they matter, and letting go of the guilt, you can create a season that works for your family.
And for those reading this who have never had to think about whether they could even attend a family gathering — please know this: the greatest gift you can give a family like mine is respect and understanding. Don’t assume we’re being difficult or dramatic when we say no. Trust that if we could show up, we would.
Take a moment to pause before you pressure, push, or guilt someone into joining in holiday plans. Some of us are already running a marathon just to keep our kids safe, calm, and cared for.
Choosing peace isn’t avoidance — it’s survival. And it’s the most loving thing we can do for our kids and ourselves. So this season, may we all choose kindness over judgment, compassion over criticism, and respect over expectation.
“What does choosing peace look like for your family this year?”
Hi. I’m {sb}. Brand Identity Designer and owner of {sb}Cre8tive, where I've help brands grow, adapt, and thrive for the last 20 years.
Away from my desk, along with my handsome Other Half, I’m a full-time co-caregiver and advocate for my profoundly autistic teenage son. This lived experience shapes not only how I work, but how I see the world through a lens of resilience, resourcefulness, and real connection.
I believe in building relationships that fuel growth, cre8ting work that matters, and telling the truth about what it takes to balance ambition with life’s hardest roles.
If you’re a fellow caregiver, cre8tive professional, or both, I hope my words remind you: you are not alone, and your story matters.
Press & Media Inquiries: sb@sbcre8tive.com
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